06/05/2010

Sent from above…

Posted by Tiko under Joy, Peace, Relationships, Spirit, Spirituality/Inspiration
[6] Comments 

Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. She would have been 24 yesterday.  It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 9 years since she transitioned.  Sometimes I catch myself thinking of what she would be like, how she’d wear her hair now, what we would be doing together, what we’d talk about, who she’d be dating…  Sometimes I fantasize about us shopping together, laughing, being goofy, ganging up on our little brother…just being sisters.  I have to admit, there are times when I feel cheated, and I become angry.  There are times when I feel like a victim and become really sad.  It’s not that often, but that day came the day before her birthday.  It was really hard to deal with and I pretty much kept to myself the whole day and shut down.

After reaching out for support, I felt a bit better and decided to spend her birthday in celebration of her life.  I decided to focus on the good memories and I was reminded that she is always with me.  It’s a tradition for me to go to Olive Garden her birthday, because that was her favorite restaurant.  On my way there, it was raining slightly and all of a sudden the sun came out.  And, next thing I knew the biggest, clearest, most beautiful rainbow I have EVER seen in my life appeared!  I was in total awe and amazement.  I instantly knew it was a sign from her.

I knew instantly that I am never separated from her.  She is always with me.  And, no matter what is going on in my life, the sun is always going to shine in the morning.  I was comforted knowing that it’s okay to feel sad, to grieve, and to sometimes feel angry.  I just have to be patient with myself and trust that it will pass.  And, it did.  Seeing that rainbow was a reminder that I am never forsaken.  Comfort, peace, joy, and love are available to me at ALL times.  There is no separation.  Separation is simply an illusion.

 

04/16/2010

Almost there…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Hopeless, Joy, Peace, Self-Empowerment, Spirit, Spirituality/Inspiration
[2] Comments 

Today I’m headed to the airport, with tons of traffic, and I’m playing it real close. Not to mention, I’m also going to have to self-park, check-in, then head to my gate. It’s Friday, rush hour in Atlanta…yeah, good luck, right?

I get to the airport with a half hour till departure time. I’m still optimistic until I turn into the wrong parking lot in the wrong terminal. Oh God, please help me! A little bit of me begins to panic. Not only do I have to walk through this large parking lot to the terminal, I’ve also got to then walk to the correct terminal (if you’ve ever flown through ATL International Airport, you know this is quite the feat).

Twenty minutes left and I’ve made it to the correct terminal to find that the ticketing station for my airline is all the way at the end of the terminal! I’m still walking as fast as I can while a small voice inside says that I’m definitely gonna miss my flight. I ignore it…and keep walking. I finally get to the self check-in with fifteen minutes left to find that my flight’s been DELAYED!! YES!! Not only will I be able to make my flight, but I’ll also be able to get something to eat!

I was sooo happy and I stopped to think…what if I had given up? How many times are we almost there, but things look bleak, so we throw in the towel? And, I’m not just talking about catching a flight.  How many times do we get discouraged when something in our lives isn’t working out the way we want it to, and so we just quit? I’ve learned that when it’s something I want to really give it my all. If I’ve given it my all, and it still doesn’t work out, I have no regrets…:)

 

04/13/2010

Seeing things from the other side…

Posted by Tiko under Peace, Relationships
[2] Comments 

They say never to judge someone until I’ve walked a mile in their shoes.  They also say (who are ‘they’ anyways??? lol…) that when I am in a situation where there is conflict, to view it from the other person’s perspective in order to truly understand where they’re coming from.  It’s funny how the tables turn in my life to force me to do just that, to understand the other person.  For, we’re all just reflections of one another, and in understanding the other person…I, in turn, understand myself.

I’ve had the divine opportunity lately to see things from the other side, and I’ve learned a few things:

1.  When people give unsolicited advice, it’s usually because they really love me and the intention is usually a good one.  Sometimes the advice doesn’t go over so well, sometimes it can come off as rude, and sometimes it actually is rude…but most times, it comes from a place of love and/or misguided fear.

2.  When confused, conflicted, or in conflama…the key to being clear is always to get away, be still, and listen to my heart.  In making tough choices, taking time alone for a period of time to really get clear on what I want is the most loving thing I can do for myself and everyone involved.

3.  The future is not always evident, that’s why there’s faith.  Sometimes I have to listen to my heart, take a risk, and just make a move.  Either I make a decision, or life will make the decision for me, and most times the latter isn’t very pretty.  Proactive living is always more enjoyable than reactive living.

4.  After becoming aware of what’s in my heart, I must then take ACTION.

5.  I am the co-creator of my life, I am NOT a victim!

6.  The answer to every problem comes in prayer and meditation.

I love the opportunities to learn, to make mistakes, to start again, to do things a different more loving way.  Even though some things are painfully learned the hard way, I know that I always have another chance to make a different choice.  I always have the opportunity to see things from a different perspective.  When I don’t understand someone, I know for sure that life will give me the opportunity to see it from the other side…

 

01/28/2010

Thinking too much

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Peace, Self-Empowerment
[10] Comments 

Today I feel a bit overwhelmed with thoughts on various different things.  Mostly my thoughts surrounding my next steps in my career and what it is I truly want to accomplish in my life.  I’m thinking so much that I can’t seem to relax.  I know that I’m making progress towards goals I set last year.  I guess I’m feeling a bit impatient and also having thoughts of altering the course in a few areas.  I don’t want to sleep until I have it all figured out.  But, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  And, it would really be supportive of myself to simply be patient and take my time.

There are so many things that I want to accomplish and I feel like I want to do them all right NOW.  But, I have to remind myself that life is about the journey not about the goals we set.  It’s about how we operate in attaining the goals.  It’s about enjoying the process, having fun, relaxing, actually living my life.  It’s about taking it one day at a time.  I don’t always have to know how I’m getting to where I’m going.  I don’t have to have all the answers either.

 

01/27/2010

Choices

Posted by Tiko under Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
[2] Comments 

It seems whenever we make a declaration, decision, or change of habit…immediately life throws us a test to see if we’re really serious.  Sometimes the test is obvious, other times it’s not.  When it’s not, that’s when we start sentences with the phrase, “well, technically…(insert your slippery excuse here)…”  I, too, started sliding down that slippery road to square one again, when my clever friend said…

“Just make choices that will keep you empowered…

ultimately for your highest good and good of others.”

-C.Y.

I don’t know if that did anything for you…lol.  But, for me it was an easy way to test if my choices are supporting me or pushing me down that slippery slide.  Simply asking myself the question, ‘is this choice empowering me?’, is enough to keep me on sturdy ground.

Are you making empowering choices?  Are you making choices that will propel you, lift you to the next level, and strengthen you?  Something to think about…:)

 

01/26/2010

Ebb and Flow

Posted by Tiko under Joy, Peace
[2] Comments 

Change is constant in life.  Yet, everything is always in a perfect balance.  When we feel ourselves going a bit slower, or feeling a little out of sorts, it’s okay.  I find that when this happens, it’s just my body or spirit nudging me to take it slow for a little while…to just be patient with myself.  Maybe I’ve been overexerting myself.  Or, maybe there’s something I haven’t quite dealt with emotionally that needs to come up.  When I go with this flow instead of fighting it, I find that I move out of it much quicker.  And, before I know it, I’m back to my usually bubbly self again…:)

Take the time to take things slow for once.  Relax and enjoy the sunshine, listen your favorite song, take a nap for once, buy yourself some flowers, spoil yourself with a nice bubble batch, cry, laugh…do what makes you happy in the moment.  Trust yourself and be kind to yourself.  Only you can make yourself happy.  Why not start now?  :)

 

01/24/2010

Energy Drains

Posted by Tiko under Depression, Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Spirit
[2] Comments 

I still drive my very first car…it’s an ’01 Honda Civic…I love her.  I’ve never had any serious problems from her, she’s always been very dependable.  Except there was a period of time when my battery would become completely drained without any known explanation.  After this happened a few times, I took it into the shop.  I explained that I didn’t have anything plugged in, never left the lights on, and didn’t understand what was causing this.  They said they’d run a test and let me know.

The mechanic called me later to say that the tests showed that there was something in my car that was constantly pulling energy from the battery, even when the car wasn’t on.  They looked through the car to find the culprit and later found that it was my car alarm draining the car.

You see, when I first got the car, my parents took it to the neighborhood mechanic to hook up an alarm system in my car that was cheaper than the manufacturer’s alarm.  Yeah…it was bootleg..don’t judge me…lol.  This alarm was installed incorrectly and was causing a major energy drain without me even knowing it.

And, I thought to myself…how often does this happen in our lives?  How often do we subconsciously hold onto people, old situations, old stories, old beliefs, old relationships that are literally sucking the life out of us, and we don’t even know it?  How often do we keep people in our lives that no longer feed us, and instead leave us feeling depleted?  How often do we stay at jobs that no longer challenge, inspire, or fulfill us?  How often do we avoid stepping outside the box, only to stay cramped and stunted doing the same ole, same ole day in and day out.

I’m learning to recognize the energy drains in my life.  I’m learning when it’s time to let go and move on.  Sometimes it has nothing to do with ‘the people’ or ‘that job’.  Sometimes, it’s simply the mind set, or belief attached to them that is causing the energy drain.

What’s causing the energy drain in your life?  Are you ready to let go and move on?  Are you ready to stand in your power and go for what you really want?

 

01/24/2010

My heart…

Posted by Tiko under Just Me, Writings, poems, quotes, etc.
[2] Comments 

My heart says things that my mouth can’t…

My heart feels pain that no medicine can erase…

My heart knows what my mind cannot acknowledge…

My heart refuses…

to believe

what

is

true

‘What about your heart, Sid?’

My heart is with hip hop

and I wish it wasn’t dead

Cuz hip hop…

‘I used to love you, I still do, and I always will.’

 

09/10/2009

What I learned from a game of Monopoly…

Posted by Tiko under Uncategorized
[2] Comments 

It’s funny how we can learn major life lessons hidden within the little things in life.  I’m playing a game of monopoly last night, and although no one had quite taken the lead, I was starting to feel my fate was destined to come soon.  My only hope was that I had two properties within the light blue group and the third was still available.  Eventually, one of my opponents landed on the third one…bummer.  But, she decided she didn’t want it!  Auction time!  All of a sudden, my last chance of even walking away with a tiny shred of dignity appeared.

The property is worth $100…the bids have already gotten to around $325.  All of a sudden here come the voices:  “You know what, that property isn’t even worth all that!”, “You’re gonna spend all your money on that property and not have enough to survive later!”, “You always lose at Monopoly anyways…just let  her have it and  call it a night already, who cares!”, “Ugh, this isn’t fair…how come I ALWAYS lose at Monopoly!” 

Then, all of a sudden it dawns on me…this is how I operate in my life!  Wow… 

I may know that I want something and I may even know that it’s meant for me…but…

-it doesn’t come easy
-it costs more than I thought it would
-I worry that I won’t be able to handle it
-I’m afraid I’m gonna fall on my face if I try
-I remind myself of how many times I failed before
-I make up stories in my mind about how horrible things are going to turn out

So, instead of taking the risk and trusting myself and trusting that God is gonna have my back, I usually throw in the towel before I even try!  I fail before I even start!  Instead of trusting that I have an ABUNDANCE of resources available to me, I refuse to look past what I have now.  I refuse to look past what I’ve had before.

Now, back to the Monopoly game.  This time I decided to do something different.  So, yes…I stayed in the auction…I paid a ridiculous amount of money for my light blue Monopoly.  But, guess what?  Even though everyone else had at least two Monopoly’s on the rich side of town…I won!  I was ok!  Yes, I landed on their property’s and had to come out of a lot of money, but somehow, someway I always had enough.  And, eventually having enough turned into an abundance of resources!

This is not just about a simple game of Monopoly.  It’s really about what the game represents.  And I came to such a huge awareness last night.  I’m so thankful for this because I’ve been really working on watching what I say and being more conscious of  the thoughts I meditate on daily.  It’s so easy to slip on a pair of worrying, complaining, cranky pants.  But, the thing is…it’s a CHOICE.  I’m learning how sometimes I subconsciously make choices to be negative and consequently create negative situations for myself.  I know that the only way to break this habit is to set an intention to be aware and conscious when I’m about to slip into worry mode.  It is then that I can make the choice to trust myself, trust God, stay positive, and get out there and truly live my life.  I can create the life I want, there’s no need to worry about how it’s going to happen.

 

09/01/2009

Asking for help…

Posted by Tiko under Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
[8] Comments 

If there’s one thing I’ve prided myself on…it’s being able to do things by myself. If my tire’s flat, I’ll change it myself. If I get lost, I’ll pull out my map and find the way myself. If something breaks, I’ll fix it myself. I don’t know where I first learned this habit, I think somewhere in elementary school. I was one of those students that caught on really quickly, especially with math. You only had to teach it to me once, and I had it. I liked the attention I got from being a quick learner. I liked the attention I got from being able to figure something out on my own. I think I got addicted to that feeling. I would never ask for help, I’d keep at it until I figured it out, and I usually always did. And then I’d sit back and enjoy all the praise I got for doing it by myself.

Then I grew up…lol. In college, I had the biggest wake up call of my life. I was no longer the quick learner. I was now the one that was lost in class. But, did I ask for help??? No. I looked at asking for help as a weakness. I continued this nasty habit for a long time, even though it was an evil form of self sabotage. And, this habit wasn’t just limited to school…this was a habit I carried out in all areas of my life. I never wanted to admit I didn’t know something, or couldn’t do something. I’d wait until I was desperate before admitting I needed help.

I’ve gotten a lot better at this, I’ve since learned that no man is an island and two heads are better than one, etc., etc. But there are still times when I recognize this evil habit is back at it again. I call it the Super Woman Syndrome. Once again, I find I pride myself in being able juggle and maintain a thousand things at once with no outside help and with no problem. I feel good sharing my superhero story with anyone that will listen. That is until everything begins to fall apart. Then, I’m forced to admit that I can’t do it all by myself and I’m forced to ask for help, and then I feel like I’m weak for having done so. I feel as if I’m admitting I have flaws and that I’m not perfect.

I realize, however, it doesn’t have to be that way. Asking for help is not a weakness, asking for help is actually a sign of intelligence…lol. NOT asking for help is a sign of weakness! I realize that I when I ask for help or delegate certain tasks, I free up a lot more time to give the important things more attention. I free up a lot more time to enjoy my life. I free up a lot more time to REST. When I ask for help, it just makes life easier and fun!

Asking for help forces me to get over my own insecurities. I’m reminded that I’m human and I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. Making mistakes or falling short is not a bad thing. That is the way that I learn, that is the way that I grow. And, if I try my best to avoid making a mistake or to be perfect, I’ll miss great opportunities to grow. Asking for help also helps in building relationships and strengthening them. When I ask for help, I’m letting someone know that I trust them. I’m also admitting to them that I’m not perfect and it puts them at ease to be themselves as well.

Admittedly, it’s hard…but I’m acknowledging here that I need help. I can’t do it all by myself. I don’t know everything. Sometimes I am wrong and sometimes I make mistakes. I am human…not a super hero…

 

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