August 2008


SEXY
empowering
positive
energizing
attractive
stress free
fun
bold
spunky
optimistic

Dictionary.com says that confidence is someone with "belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance."

Does this sound like you?  If so…congrats…you are one sexy-shut-yo-mouth!  ;-)

If not…does this sound like someone you wanna be?  Usually when helping others build confidence, they are advised to think of someone they admire and emulate them.  But, I have an even BETTER exercise to boost the confidence in anyone!

Sit back and really think about why you're not confident.  What is it that you believe is really holding you back from being all you can be. 
1.  Make a list.  Don't worry about if anything sounds silly, be totally honest and make a list of everything that's making you insecure.     

2. Close your eyes, and use your imagination.  Imagine you have a magic wand and can get rid of EVERYTHING on the previous list.  Imagine how your life would be different. 
a.  What are you doing differently?
b.  How do you feel about yourself?
c.  How do others feels about you?  How do they treat you now?
d.  How do you look?  What are you wearing?
Just totally immerse yourself in your vision.  Totally feel it!!

3.  Now write it down, the whole vision.  Don't leave out any details!

4.  Realize that the only thing holding you back from being this super sexy confident diva or having a super sexy confident swagga…is your THOUGHT about who you are and what you're capable of.  You just proved it because as soon as you removed the thoughts about what was holding you back (step 1), you then were able to envision this new you!!  So, begin to hold the vision of who you want to be and work to attain that.  My friend calls it manifesting SEXY!!

Next time you're feeling down or insecure…think…what would the super sexy confident ME do?  How would she be acting right now?  How would she walk?  What would she say?  Then, just do it!  Hold your head high, smile…and exude the CONFIDENCE that is already inside you!! 

Manifest SEXY!!

This month I purposefully set goals for myself that would force me to step outside of my box.  I realized that although I've been doing a lot of inner spiritual work and healing this year…it was time for me to put what I've learned into practice in the "real world."  In stepping outside my box and moving with determination toward my goals…I've had to do and say things that were downright scary for me to do.  I was scared of the unknown, rejection, and failure.  But, the best piece of advice anyone has ever given me is this: 

Do what is good for you, and trust that good things will happen.

You see…I used to be the type of person that would preface doing or saying anything by asking myself…What will they think if I do/say this?  What if I'm wrong?  What if I mess up?  What if they don't wanna have anything to do with me anymore?  This causes inner turmoil, confusion, pent-up anger and frustration.  All of which would paralyze me and keep me stuck…never really moving forward.  I'd always wait for someone else to give me the ok and say that what I wanted to do or say was ok.

But, you know what?  I also like what Dr. Seuss had to say about it.  He said:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

This is so true.  We have to have confidence in ourselves, who we are, and in our abilities.  Those that have problems with that, don't need to be in our lives anyway.  We can lovingly let them go.  Sometimes we won't have others' support until we first support ourselves.  There will be times when we'll have to stand alone in our own truth. 

In stepping outside my box this month…I've realized that I was the one making the box in the first place.  I was the one setting the limits on what I could and could not do.  Therefore…I can remove that box…I can remove the limits I've set and I can reach for whatever it is my heart desires.

And…so can you…:)

PS  I'm still working on that post-series I promised.  Stay tuned!!

I'm currently in the process, or should I say transition, to becoming a vegetarian.  Eventually, I want to be vegan.  But, I'm trying to be realistic and take it slow…lol…;-)  Anyways, on my quest to become a healthier person, I've been doing a lot of reading on what is good and not so good for my body.  As you know, you are what you eat.  And your diet plays a very significant role in your well-being, and your quest to a more peaceful and productive life.

Not only am I eliminating certain foods, but I'm also eliminating certain chemicals that I expose my body to.  We don't realize it, but the lotions, oils, makeup, nair, and hair products don't just affect our skin and hair.  But, they are actually ingested and enter our blood systems.  If you can't eat what you're putting on your body, news is…you actually are.  (And for those that know me may be wondering…yes, I'm growing my perm out…)

So, this all leads to me sharing the following article that I found on Nappturality: African-American, Black Natural Health Care.  Now, you don't have to be black to benefit from this article…lol…so please read on and be advised…

Check the ingredients on your favorite products and see if any of the following are listed.  Thank God there are many all natural alternatives available…:)

10 INGREDIENTS TO AVOID PUTTING ON YOUR HAIR!.
Most of the commercially available hair care products today use harmful, potentially carcinogenic ingredients.In the interest of good napptural health, I list below, what are in my opinion, the 10 worstcommonly found product ingredients thngs you can put on your hair (and body). Check the list of ingredients on your hair products. The more of a particular ingredient you have in a product, the closer it is to the top of the list of ingredients on the bottle:

1. ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL:This is a solvent and denaturant (poisonous substance that changes another substances natural qualities). Isopropyl alcohol is found in hair color rinses, body rubs, hand lotions, after-shave lotions, fragrancesand many other cosmetics. This petroleum-derived substance is also used in antifreeze and as a solvent in shellac. Napptural hair reacts very badly to isoalcohol and this ingredient should be avoided at ALL costs. It will dry your hair out and break it off. According to A Consumer's Dictionary of Cosmetic Ingredients, inhalation or ingestion of the vapor may cause headaches, flushing, dizziness, mental depression, nausea, vomiting, narcosis and even coma. 

2. MINERAL OIL & PETROLATUM: The best baby oil is made from almonds. But the oil which being sold as baby oil is 100% mineral oil. Mineral oil is a derivative of crude oil (petroleum) that is used industrially as a cutting fluid and lubricating oil. This commonly used petroleum ingredient coats the skin and hair just like plastic wrap. The skin's natural barrier is disrupted as this plastic coating inhibits its ability to breathe and absorb the Natural Moisture Factor (moisture and nutrition). The skin's ability to release toxins and wastes is impossible through this "plastic wrap," which can promote acne and other disorders. It further hinders normal skin respiration/transpiration by keeping oxygen out. This process slows down skin function and normal cell development causing the skin to prematurely age. Holding in large a mounts of moisture in the skin can "flood" the biology and may result in immature, unhealthy, sensitive skin that dries out easily. Petrolatum – A petroleum-based grease that is used industrially as a grease component. Petrolatum exhibits many of the same potentially harmful properties as mineral oil.
Honestly, this stuff belongs in your engine, not on your hair. Regardless of "Well, my Grandma used vaseline on her hair and it grew ", the bottom line is this stuff is bad. It was bad for Grandma and it is bad for you. Period.

3. PEG: This is an abbreviation for polyethylene glycol that is used in making cleansers to dissolve oil and grease as well as thicken products. Because of their effectiveness, PEG's are often used in caustic spray on oven cleaners and yet are found in many personal care products. PEG's contribute to stripping the Natural Moisture Factor, leaving the immune system vulnerable. They are also potentially carcinogenic. 

4. PROPYLENE GLYCOL (PG): As a "surfactant" or wetting agent and solvent, this ingredient is actually the active component in antifreeze. There is no difference between the PG used in industry and the PG used in personal care products. It is used in industry to break down protein and cellular structure (what the skin is made of) yet is found in most forms of make-up, hair products, lotions, after-shave, deodorants, mouthwashes and toothpaste. It is also used in food processing. Because of its ability to quickly penetrate the skin, the EPA requires workers to wear protective gloves, clothing and goggles when working with this toxic substance. The Material Safety Data Sheets warn against skin contact, as PG has systemic consequences such as brain, liver and kidney abnormalities. Consumers are not protected nor is there a warning label on products such as stick deodorants, where the concentration is greater than that in most industrial applications.

5. SODIUM LAURYL SUFATE (SLS) & SODIUM LAURETH SULFATE (SLES): SLS is used in testing labs as the standard ingredient to irritate skin. Used as detergentsand surfactants, these closely related compounds are found in car wash soaps, garage floor cleaners and engine degreasers. Yet both SLS and SLES are used more widely as one of the major ingredients in cosmetics, toothpaste, hair conditioner and about 90% of all shampoos and products that foam. They are used in personal-care products because they are cheap. A small amount generates a large amount of foam, and when salt is added it thicken to give the illusion of being thick and concentrated. (SOME OF THE NITROSATING AGENTS ARE: SLS, SLES, DEA, TEA, MEA). Shampooing the hair with a product contaminated with these substances can lead to its absorption into the body at levels much higher than eating nitrite-contaminated foods.
Mark Fearer in an article, Dangerous Beauty, says, "…in tests, animals that were exposed to SLS experienced eye damage, along with depression, labored breathing, diarrhea, severe skin irritation and corrosion and death." According to the American Collegeof Toxicology states both SLS and SLES can cause malformation in children's eyes. Other research has indicated SLS may be damaging to the immune system, especially within the skin. Skin layers may separate and inflame due to its protein denaturing properties. It is possibly the most dangerous of ad ingredients in personal care products. Research has shown that SLS when combined with other chemicals can be transformed into nitrosamines, a potent class of carcinogens, which causes the body to absorb nitrates at higher levels than eating nitrate contaminated food." According to the American College of Toxicity report,"SLS stays in the body for up to five days…" Other studies have indicated that SLS easily penetrates through the skin and enters and maintains residual levels in the heart, the liver, the lungs and the brain. This poses serious questions regarding its potential health threat through its use in shampoos, cleansers and toothpaste," 
Studies show its danger potential to be great when used in personal-care products. Toxicity- A serious problem with these chemicals is that they may be contaminated with NDELA (N-nitrosodiethanolamine), one of the nitrosamines and a potent carcinogen, according to a 1978 FDA report.

Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLES) - SLES is the alcohol form (ethoxylated) of SLS. It is slightly less irritating than SLS, but may be more drying. Both SLS and SLES can enter the blood stream.They may cause potentially carcinogenic formations of nitrates and dioxins to form in shampoos and cleansers by reacting with other product ingredients. Large amounts of nitrates may enter the blood system from just one shampooing. Contains ether.

6. CHLORINE:According to Doris J. Rapp, M.D., author of Is This your Child's World? exposure to chlorine in tap water, Showers, pool, laundry products, cleaning agents, food processing, sewage systems and many others, can effect health by contributing to asthma, hay fever, anemia, bronchitis, circulatory collapse, confusion, delirium diabetes, dizziness, irritation of the eye, mouth, nose throat, lung, skin and stomach, heart disease, high blood pressure and nausea. It is also a possible cause of cancer. Even though you will not see Chlorine on personal care product labels, it is important for you to be aware of the need to protect your skin when bathing and washing your hair. 

7. DEA (diethanolamine) MEA (momoethnanolamine) TEA (triethanolamine):DEA and MEA are usual listed on the ingredients label in conjunction with the compound being neutralized. Thus look for names like Cocamide DEA or MES, Lauramide DEA, etc. These are hormone disrupting chemicalsand are known to form cancer causing nitrates and nitrosamines. . These are commonly found in most personal care products that foam, including bubble baths, body washes, shampoos, soaps and facial cleansers. On the show, CBS This Morning, Roberta Baskin revealed that a recent government report shows DEA and MEA are readily absorbed in the skin. Dr. Samuel Epstein, Professor of Environmental Health at the University of Illinois said "repeated skin applications of DEA-based detergents resulted in a major increase in the incidence of two cancers – liver and kidney cancers." John Bailey, who oversees the cosmetic division for the FDA said the new study is especial important since "the risk equation changes significantly for children." 

8. FD & C Color PIGMENTS:Many color pigments cause skin sensitivity and irritation. Absorption of certain colors can cause depletion of oxygen in the body and even death according to A Consumer's dictionary of Cosmetic Ingredients. Debra Lynn Dadd says in Home Safe Home: "Colors that can be used in foods, drug, and cosmetics are made from coal tar. There is a great deal of controversy about their use, because animal studies have shown almost all of them to be carcinogenic." 

9. FRAGRANCE: Fragrance is present in most deodorants shampoos, sunscreens, skin care, body care and baby products. Many of the compounds in fragrance are carcinogenic or otherwise toxic. "Fragrance on a label can indicate the presence of up to 4,000 separate ingredients. Most or all of them are synthetic. Symptoms reported to the FDA have included headaches, dizziness, rashes, skin discoloration, violent coughing and vomiting, and allergic skin irritation. Clinical observation by medical doctors have shown that exposure to fragrances can affect the central nervous system, causing depression, hyperactivity, irritability, inability to cope, and other behavioral changes," (Home Safe Home). 
For better health try purchasing unscented products and for fragrance, adding a natural essential oil.

10. IMIDAZOLIDINYL UREA and DMDM HYDANTOIN: These are just two of the many preservatives that release formaldehyde (formaldehyde-donors). According to the Mayo clinic, formaldehyde can irritate the respiratory system, cause skin reactions and trigger heart palpitations. Exposure to formaldehyde may cause joint pain, allergies, depression, headaches, chest pains, ear infections, Chronic fatigue, dizziness and loss of sleep. It can also aggravate coughs and colds and trigger asthma. Serious side effects include weakening of the immune system and cancer. Nearly all brands of skin, body and hair care, antiperspirants and nail polish found in stores contain formaldehyde-releasing ingredients.

So many times I've found myself in situations where I'm either really, really angry…or really, really depressed.  All I want in those moments is a bit of peace.  But, what I have learned along the way is that the key to peace is not is found in any person, place, or thing.  The key to peace is found in something that I'd thought I was the queen of…but, apparently I am not. 

This wonderful thing that brings instant peace is Effective Communication.  If you can effectively communicate something…it won't stay bottled up inside you.  You'll lose the need for an argument or a sad, pathetic, and dramatic episode. 

To determine if you're an effective communicator, ask yourself these questions:

1.  Do you truly know what it is that you want, or need?

2.  Are you allowing yourself to truly feel your feelings (as opposed to escaping them by doing other things to distract you)?

3.  Are you able to be vulnerable and tell others how you truly feel WITHOUT being mean, confrontational, manipulative, whiny, or embarrassed?

4.  Are you able to be your own cheerleader and encourager, and bring yourself out of a funk WITHOUT outside help?

5.  When you pray to God, do you ask for assistance in reaching your goals (as opposed to helplessly asking God to rescue you)?  

I am going to begin a blog series on Effective Communication being the Key to Peace.  I'll begin my next post expounding on the first question and how it plays an important role in effectively communicating and bringing peace into your life.

Stay tuned!!  :)  

When I was first learning to drive…I used to get so nervous when making a left turn.  I’d be afraid of turning too soon, and it didn’t help to feel the pressure of the driver(s) behind me.  The pressure was made even worse when the driver would start to blow their horn, impatiently trying to intimidate me to just get out there.       


But, my mom wisely warned me…never let anyone pressure you to turn before you’re ready.  She said that if you let someone push you to turn before you’re ready…you may make a bad decision and get in an accident.  And, when you do, that person that same person is NOT gonna pull over and help you out.  You’ll be by yourself, waiting for AAA, and then stuck with a huge bill!


I always took heed to my mom’s advice..and still do today.  Yes, I take a long time to turn left, and yes sometimes people get mad…but at the end of the day, my car and I are safe and sound…and that makes me happy…:)


This same advice can be applied in other areas of life…especially in relationships.  Be careful in allowing others to push you to do something before you’re ready.  When your intuition is telling you to wait, moving before the divine time can be disastrous!  And most times, that person is not gonna be there to help you pick up the pieces.


So…don’t be afraid to stand firm in what you know is good for you.  Do what makes you happy and trust that good things will happen.  Others may get upset, but they’ll eventually get over it.  At the end of the day, YOU are the one that has to live with yourself and your decisions.