Since 2005, I've started a tradition that after every year is completed, I look back over that year and sum it all up with one word. 2005 was a year of RELEASE for me. 2006 was a year of NEW BEGINNINGS. 2007 was a year of TRANSITION for me and many other people around me. 2008 for me was a year of REVELATION.
I've learned so much about myself this year that I never knew or understood before. I've come to terms with a lot of issues, emotions, and baggage I'd been carrying around for years. Spiritually, this year has been amazing…so much has been revealed to me (hence the word for the year). I'm so excited about 2009 (which I've already declared the year of AUTHENTICITY). I'm ready to step forward as the true, authentic person I've learned I am, with confidence and boldness!
Part of me thinks it won't always be easy. But, I'm excited because I now believe that when you are truly yourself, and make no apologies for it, that's when you truly experience freedom…
So, goodbye 2008, thank you for your many lessons and wonderful memories.
And, welcome 2009…I'm so excited to finally be free!! 
What is YOUR word for 2009? Please leave a comment below and share what your goals are for the New Year…
Just a friendly blog to let you know that for some reason…Feedburner isn't including all of my blog entries in the emails being sent to you. So, please stop by the actual website whenever you receive an email to make sure that you see all of the updates. Don't want you to miss out on all the goodies! The last email that was sent out didn't include two new poems I've posted, "Not Today" and "Return to Sender" and also two new blog entries on Authenticy and Harmony. Please check these out when you have time and leave your comments. They're much appreciated.
Thanks for being faithful readers…love you all!
We teach others how to treat us…whether we realize it of not. What are you teaching other people?
Hello, my name is Tiko and I'm a people pleaser. I care about what other people think and feel before I think about my own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, most times, I find it hard to say no. When I do, I'm riddled with a lot of guilt. When I get angry, I usually hold it in until either I explode or some innocent bystander comes along that I can let it out on. Sometimes I let it out in more deceptive ways. Some people would call this being passive aggressive. I get what I want without the guilt of saying no. Instead, I get what I want through the drama created through my passive aggressive behavior. I restrict myself in many ways to fit into the boxes created by other people. Secretly this makes me angry. I'm angry because I see other people who refuse to put themselves in boxes, and I see them really enjoying their lives. I envy the boldness they carry…I envy their authenticity…how rude of them to have the audacity to enjoy their lives.
I let go of the anger I feel when I believe I can't be honest and be myself. I release the belief that I have to consider everyone else before I consider myself. I let go of the guilt I feel when I say no. I release the fear I feel when I want to tell someone how I truly feel. I clear the belief that I have to restrict myself to fit into a box. I clear the belief that I can't be myself. I clear the need to have to be accepted. I release and clear all the ways that I feel I can't be my authentic self.
Thank you…
My heart hurts…
You whisper sweet nothings in my ear
while you slip poison in my drink.
Your wise words cause me to doubt
my wise thoughts…
But today I will endure the unfamiliarity
of trusting the voices within;
I will not drink your drink today.
I'm not going to cry, not this time
because it's not my fault
this is your issue, not mine
I've tried so many times to take the blame for you
to protect you from dealing with the consequences of your actions
but, i can't anymore
the pain is just too much
the daggers of your words and intonations
have finally brought a death to my innocence.
I'm not going to cry, not this time
because this is my fault
this is my issue, not yours
I've enabled you and embedded a belief in my heart
that I should accept your ways because of love.
But today I remove these daggers and I return them to you.
Today I mend my heart and cherish it for it is deserving of
a love that feels good, strengthens and encourages
today I give birth to my true authentic self.
So, I haven't blogged in awhile. According to all the professional bloggers out there, I'm aware that bloggers aren't supposed to start a blog with that dreaded sentence. But, whatever…I'm tired of trying to do everything the perfect way or how someone else thinks I should do it. I just want to be honest, be me, be my authentic self. I haven't blogged in awhile, cause honestly I was afraid. I was afraid that I didn't have anything important to say. I was afraid that no one would care and no one would get anything from what I have to share. I've been learning so much in the past few months that I wanted to share…but I held back…because of that fear.
For 2009…I've chosen the word Authenticity. For so long, I've held myself back out of fear. And, who doesn't have fear over something? We all do, just in different ways. I want to be bold, be confident in who I am, I want to help others, I have a voice screaming to be heard. I've decided to no longer hold myself back any longer.
I've been making strides to reach this inevitable point for awhile now. Now, I feel I'm ready. It's a bit unnerving, but it's worth it. As we approach the new year, I'm making a conscious effort to clear all the ways that I'm afraid that no one will be receptive to what I have to say. I'm letting go of the belief that I'm not wise or experienced enough to help others yet. I'm releasing the belief that I can't make a living doing what I love. I'm releasing the fear that I'll never really figure out how to fulfill my desires and do what I'm passionate about. I clear all the ways that I'm afraid to be my authentic self…
A person who is spiritually minded doesn't have to be someone that is totally immersed in meditation and prayer all day long with no regard to what is going on around them. And a person who gives attention to "wordly" matters doesn't have to be someone that is totally immersed in the world with no regard to what is going on around them spiritually. Being wordly doesn't necessarily mean someone that only caters to their ego and is all into lust and greed. This is something taught in many religions, that we shouldn't be "of the world." In this sense, it is given a negative context. A positive way of looking at being wordly is to say that the person is being grounded. One needs aspects of both being spiritually minded as well as being grounded to have a sense of harmony in their life. This is different than having balance. We often hear people saying that they are striving to find balance in their lives. However, to be balanced is to be stationary. When something is balanced it doesn't move. Time is ever changing and life is not stationary or constant…therefore it is necessary for one to have a flexible, yet harmonizing peaceful experience on earth. You don't have to throw away all your music, stop caring about your physique, and give up wearing nice clothes. Nor do interests in such things mean that you're not spiritually minded. We need to relax and find our own personal way of finding harmony in our lives. Being spiritual and being grounded at the same time is very important. Harmony for each person is different, yet personal and feels right to that person. One is assured of harmony when one feels at peace.
