If there’s one thing I’ve prided myself on…it’s being able to do things by myself. If my tire’s flat, I’ll change it myself. If I get lost, I’ll pull out my map and find the way myself. If something breaks, I’ll fix it myself. I don’t know where I first learned this habit, I think somewhere in elementary school. I was one of those students that caught on really quickly, especially with math. You only had to teach it to me once, and I had it. I liked the attention I got from being a quick learner. I liked the attention I got from being able to figure something out on my own. I think I got addicted to that feeling. I would never ask for help, I’d keep at it until I figured it out, and I usually always did. And then I’d sit back and enjoy all the praise I got for doing it by myself.
Then I grew up…lol. In college, I had the biggest wake up call of my life. I was no longer the quick learner. I was now the one that was lost in class. But, did I ask for help??? No. I looked at asking for help as a weakness. I continued this nasty habit for a long time, even though it was an evil form of self sabotage. And, this habit wasn’t just limited to school…this was a habit I carried out in all areas of my life. I never wanted to admit I didn’t know something, or couldn’t do something. I’d wait until I was desperate before admitting I needed help.
I’ve gotten a lot better at this, I’ve since learned that no man is an island and two heads are better than one, etc., etc. But there are still times when I recognize this evil habit is back at it again. I call it the Super Woman Syndrome. Once again, I find I pride myself in being able juggle and maintain a thousand things at once with no outside help and with no problem. I feel good sharing my superhero story with anyone that will listen. That is until everything begins to fall apart. Then, I’m forced to admit that I can’t do it all by myself and I’m forced to ask for help, and then I feel like I’m weak for having done so. I feel as if I’m admitting I have flaws and that I’m not perfect.
I realize, however, it doesn’t have to be that way. Asking for help is not a weakness, asking for help is actually a sign of intelligence…lol. NOT asking for help is a sign of weakness! I realize that I when I ask for help or delegate certain tasks, I free up a lot more time to give the important things more attention. I free up a lot more time to enjoy my life. I free up a lot more time to REST. When I ask for help, it just makes life easier and fun!
Asking for help forces me to get over my own insecurities. I’m reminded that I’m human and I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. Making mistakes or falling short is not a bad thing. That is the way that I learn, that is the way that I grow. And, if I try my best to avoid making a mistake or to be perfect, I’ll miss great opportunities to grow. Asking for help also helps in building relationships and strengthening them. When I ask for help, I’m letting someone know that I trust them. I’m also admitting to them that I’m not perfect and it puts them at ease to be themselves as well.
Admittedly, it’s hard…but I’m acknowledging here that I need help. I can’t do it all by myself. I don’t know everything. Sometimes I am wrong and sometimes I make mistakes. I am human…not a super hero…
09/01/2009 at 10:41 am
Nice blog spot, you have some keen insights.
09/01/2009 at 11:08 am
Thanks!
09/01/2009 at 11:12 am
aside from the gender of your superhero… i felt as if I could have been telling this entire piece. i developed an early ‘i got it’ attitude even with 4 siblings and both parents around. as i got older it became sort of a ‘i only trust myself so i won’t bother asking anyone else for help’ kinda deal and altho it hasn’t bitten me yet, i’m sure it’ll catch up to me. i’ve tried letting others get in on the action and leaning on people but i’ve been disappointed time and time again when i trust important things to other people to the point i’m really only confident in my own superman tactics. this post is probably gonna stick with me a while and i’ll try to be more like you when i grow up
09/01/2009 at 11:51 am
Thanks for your comment! That is a great awareness. And, acknowledging something is the first step. You can make the next step whenever you’re ready or maybe not at all…it’s up to you. But, it’s cool we share similar stories…:)
09/01/2009 at 2:02 pm
What a smartie you are! But I already knew that.
I’m also a victim of Superwoman Syndrome (love that!), but mostly because I’m on my own timeline & want to get stuff done according to my schedule & not anyone else’s. My hubby’s a copywriter & I’m probably gonna have someone else rewrite the copy on my website, just because I can’t wait until his schedule clears up (except I can, because there’s no deadline, but there is in my head!). Oy.
I’ve found, though, that people usually feel honored and/or excited when you ask them for help. It shows them that you think they’re knowledgeable, & they have something to offer. I used to think that I was “burdening” or “bothering” someone, but not anymore!
09/01/2009 at 2:10 pm
Yeah, I totally thought people would think I was either stupid or annoying…lol. But, it’s the total opposite, which is awesome because delegating is the best thing since sliced bread! Wish I’d gotten over myself sooner!!
09/01/2009 at 2:13 pm
“Delegating is the best thing since sliced bread” totally belongs on a T-shirt, Tiko!
09/01/2009 at 2:41 pm
Hmmm…I’ll definitely have to look into that…;-)