Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. She would have been 24 yesterday. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 9 years since she transitioned. Sometimes I catch myself thinking of what she would be like, how she’d wear her hair now, what we would be doing together, what we’d talk about, who she’d be dating… Sometimes I fantasize about us shopping together, laughing, being goofy, ganging up on our little brother…just being sisters. I have to admit, there are times when I feel cheated, and I become angry. There are times when I feel like a victim and become really sad. It’s not that often, but that day came the day before her birthday. It was really hard to deal with and I pretty much kept to myself the whole day and shut down.
After reaching out for support, I felt a bit better and decided to spend her birthday in celebration of her life. I decided to focus on the good memories and I was reminded that she is always with me. It’s a tradition for me to go to Olive Garden her birthday, because that was her favorite restaurant. On my way there, it was raining slightly and all of a sudden the sun came out. And, next thing I knew the biggest, clearest, most beautiful rainbow I have EVER seen in my life appeared! I was in total awe and amazement. I instantly knew it was a sign from her.
I knew instantly that I am never separated from her. She is always with me. And, no matter what is going on in my life, the sun is always going to shine in the morning. I was comforted knowing that it’s okay to feel sad, to grieve, and to sometimes feel angry. I just have to be patient with myself and trust that it will pass. And, it did. Seeing that rainbow was a reminder that I am never forsaken. Comfort, peace, joy, and love are available to me at ALL times. There is no separation. Separation is simply an illusion.
