Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. She would have been 24 yesterday.  It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 9 years since she transitioned.  Sometimes I catch myself thinking of what she would be like, how she’d wear her hair now, what we would be doing together, what we’d talk about, who she’d be dating…  Sometimes I fantasize about us shopping together, laughing, being goofy, ganging up on our little brother…just being sisters.  I have to admit, there are times when I feel cheated, and I become angry.  There are times when I feel like a victim and become really sad.  It’s not that often, but that day came the day before her birthday.  It was really hard to deal with and I pretty much kept to myself the whole day and shut down.

After reaching out for support, I felt a bit better and decided to spend her birthday in celebration of her life.  I decided to focus on the good memories and I was reminded that she is always with me.  It’s a tradition for me to go to Olive Garden her birthday, because that was her favorite restaurant.  On my way there, it was raining slightly and all of a sudden the sun came out.  And, next thing I knew the biggest, clearest, most beautiful rainbow I have EVER seen in my life appeared!  I was in total awe and amazement.  I instantly knew it was a sign from her.

I knew instantly that I am never separated from her.  She is always with me.  And, no matter what is going on in my life, the sun is always going to shine in the morning.  I was comforted knowing that it’s okay to feel sad, to grieve, and to sometimes feel angry.  I just have to be patient with myself and trust that it will pass.  And, it did.  Seeing that rainbow was a reminder that I am never forsaken.  Comfort, peace, joy, and love are available to me at ALL times.  There is no separation.  Separation is simply an illusion.

I get to the airport with a half hour till departure time. I’m still optimistic until I turn into the wrong parking lot in the wrong terminal. Oh God, please help me! A little bit of me begins to panic. Not only do I have to walk through this large parking lot to the terminal, I’ve also got to then walk to the correct terminal (if you’ve ever flown through ATL International Airport, you know this is quite the feat).

Twenty minutes left and I’ve made it to the correct terminal to find that the ticketing station for my airline is all the way at the end of the terminal! I’m still walking as fast as I can while a small voice inside says that I’m definitely gonna miss my flight. I ignore it…and keep walking. I finally get to the self check-in with fifteen minutes left to find that my flight’s been DELAYED!! YES!! Not only will I be able to make my flight, but I’ll also be able to get something to eat!

I was sooo happy and I stopped to think…what if I had given up? How many times are we almost there, but things look bleak, so we throw in the towel? And, I’m not just talking about catching a flight.  How many times do we get discouraged when something in our lives isn’t working out the way we want it to, and so we just quit? I’ve learned that when it’s something I want to really give it my all. If I’ve given it my all, and it still doesn’t work out, I have no regrets…:)

Take the time to take things slow for once.  Relax and enjoy the sunshine, listen your favorite song, take a nap for once, buy yourself some flowers, spoil yourself with a nice bubble batch, cry, laugh…do what makes you happy in the moment.  Trust yourself and be kind to yourself.  Only you can make yourself happy.  Why not start now?  :)