Relationships

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02/12/2009

You remind me…

Posted by Tiko under Relationships, Self-Control, Self-Esteem
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I wanted to be mad at you, I wanted to cuss you out…I wanted to stop talking to you.  Anything to make you stop with the criticism and the judgments.  It's as if you ALWAYS have something to say.  It's really annoying, like a mosquito that keeps buzzing in my ear.  I try and try to shoo it away…but it keeps coming back…BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZZZZZZ!!!  Then, when I just try to be calm and ignore it, the darned thing has the nerve to BITE me…ughhhh!!  Now I'm all itchy, and my skin is blotchy…gee thanks!  I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.

But, wait….you remind me.  Like Mary J. Blige says, you remind me of a love that I once knew.  Is it me or is this Deja Vu?  Yeah, sure, there have been others who were critical or judgmental.  But, you…remind me of someone a little more familiar…someone closer to home.  Could it be…you remind me of ME?!?  Oh shit…you remind me of how I can be sometimes with others.  Even worse, you remind me of how I am with myself!  The constant criticizing thoughts and judgmental beliefs.  The constant putting myself down.  It seems my mind ALWAYS has something to say!

Well, lookyhere!  The Universe has brought me someone…a physical representation of my inner thoughts.  My, you look beautiful, but darling the annoyance factor is not very becoming!  Hmmm…perhaps if I learn how to be in harmony with you…I'll also learn how to be in harmony with my thoughts.  Aha!  Perhaps I'll slather on and smooth my skin with some yummy smelling Skin-So-Soft…that way we can co-exist without you biting and I don't have to squish you!  :-)

 

02/12/2009

On being supportive…

Posted by Tiko under Relationships
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I think a lot of times we want to fix things…we want to rescue people…we want to be able to stamp our name on it/them and say "I did that".  We want to wear our capes and puff out our chests.  We want to hold our trophies high so everyone can see them and congratulate us on our victory.  We want to win this person over, or change that situation to be in our favor.  All in the name of being "supportive", a "friend", "nice"…etc.  But, I don't think this behavior is any of these.  I call it being manipulative, I call it stroking our ego.

If we are really being supportive, really being a friend, really being nice, we won't be mad or frustrated when the outcome isn't in our favor.  We won't stop talking to our friend because they won't take our advice.  We won't judge someone because WE perceive they're making a big mistake.  We won't cringe when situations don't change in our favor.  Instead, we will be okay…because we realize that we are not God and cannot possibly see the whole picture.

We cannot judge other people and their situations.  How can we say what is best for someone else?  Even if someone is doing something we think is a huge mistake, guess what?  The universe is helping them to learn a lesson, in their own time, in their own way.  So relax.  Next time you find yourself angry or frustrated because "I'm trying to be supportive and how DARE they not see I'm wearing my cape!", ask yourself…are you wearing that cape for them…or is it really just all about you???   

 

01/09/2009

Making wise choices…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Spirit
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They say that the easiest way to achieve your desired goal(s) is to simply make wise choices.  If you simply make the right choices every day, you will little by little work your way in the direction of your goal.  Sounds simple…but it's not always that cut and dry.  There come times where we really don't know what to do.  We're confused and are not sure which choice is indeed the best.  To this, I say, just pick one and trust that you'll know if it's the best for you after you make it.  If you don't like the choice, you can either change your choice later…or know better for the next time around.  This is the only way to learn what is best for you.  Take a chance!  There is no such thing as a wrong choice, or wrong path…only if you believe it so.  This is your life to create…:)

Sometimes, you have to learn as you go.  Sometimes the least desired choices bring us the most valuable lessons!  Life is supposed to be about learning, exploring, taking risks…having fun!!  They also say, it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  Guess it's more important to enjoy the journey than to get all wrapped up in how we're gonna get to the destination.  No one can tell you which way to go, it's all up to you…

 

12/30/2008

Are you a good teacher?

Posted by Tiko under Relationships, Self-Empowerment
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We teach others how to treat us…whether we realize it of not.  What are you teaching other people?

 

10/20/2008

Yes!!!

Posted by Tiko under Depression, Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
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So…it's final.  I've made a resolution in my life.  I'm only going to do things that are an absolute YES!! in my life.  If part of me isn't feeling it…if I'm not excited about it…if I have to question whether I really want it, or really wanna do something…it's not for me.  Period.  I'm not wasting anymore time, energy, and precious resources on people, places, and things I do not love.  No more doing things out of guilt, no more settling for what I don't really and truly want. 

I find that when I fill my life with things that don't make me happy, I start complaining.  Then, I start looking forward to the day when things get better.  Or looking forward to the day when I have certain things.  I essentially begin to suffer.  I essentially begin to create MORE suffering!

But, what happens when you decide to get rid of all the things that you don't love?  What happens when you stop spending time with people you don't love.  What happens when we stop giving energy to thoughts that aren't of love?  What happens when we decide…I'm only going to be around, attain, and create LOVE in my life?

At first…it may seems like our lives are a bit empty.  But, this is the time where you begin to really APPRECIATE and practice GRATITUDE for the little things in life.  You are joyful for the people that really mean something to you.  You have your priorities in order.  You're finally able to put FIRST THINGS FIRST.  Then, with your new found joy…you begin to want to spread the love to other people.  You want others to feel the way you feel.  Then, you begin CREATING more of this peace, joy, and love in your life.  Before you know if, your life fills up more, and more, and more.  You finally see what true ABUNDANCE means!

This is what I want.  This is what I have.  I have everything I need.  I'm so thankful and grateful for all the people, places, and things I love in my life.  I'm so thankful and grateful that at every given moment, I'm creating more and sharing more of the love that's in my heart.  YES!!! 

 

10/17/2008

Fall Inventory…

Posted by Tiko under Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
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It's been almost a month since the official start of the fall season.  The weather is starting to change noticeably…so this weekend I'm putting away my spring/summer clothes, and pulling out my fall/winter clothes.  I have one major rule…Only put away what you love, only bring out what you love.  Anything else, I give away.  I then make a list of necessities that I'll need to purchase to add to to my wardrobe.  I do this mainly to eliminate clutter.  Clutter is nothing but old energy, taking up room, hogging up space, blocking the flow of new energy into your life.

While I'm preparing to do this, I wonder…what about the clutter in our lives?  Not just our physical lives, but the clutter in our minds, our emotions, and in our spirits?  What old energy are we holding onto that we should've let go and given away to God a long time ago?  How many past season, too tight, too big, darn right ugly, should've never bought it, never made you feel good, looked good on the rack but not quite right on you clothes (people, places, things, emotions, memories, etc.) do we let take up room in our closets (lives)? 

This fall season, lets take the time to be aware of what we're bringing out and putting away in our hearts.  Let's take inventory of what we have and are holding onto.  Do we truly love everything about our lives, or is it time to let them some things, people, or habits go?  What is continuing to help us grow…and what is holding us back from growing to higher heights?  Like plants, we have to take the necessary time to prune away what's keeping us from fully blossoming and being the people that we are truly meant to be.  Like forests, there is a necessary time to burn away the old to enhance the health of the new.

When you let go…you make room for so many blessings, new experiences, and much deserved happiness.  What are you letting go of this season??? 

 

08/27/2008

Confidence is…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Depression, Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
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SEXY
empowering
positive
energizing
attractive
stress free
fun
bold
spunky
optimistic

Dictionary.com says that confidence is someone with "belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance."

Does this sound like you?  If so…congrats…you are one sexy-shut-yo-mouth!  ;-)

If not…does this sound like someone you wanna be?  Usually when helping others build confidence, they are advised to think of someone they admire and emulate them.  But, I have an even BETTER exercise to boost the confidence in anyone!

Sit back and really think about why you're not confident.  What is it that you believe is really holding you back from being all you can be. 
1.  Make a list.  Don't worry about if anything sounds silly, be totally honest and make a list of everything that's making you insecure.     

2. Close your eyes, and use your imagination.  Imagine you have a magic wand and can get rid of EVERYTHING on the previous list.  Imagine how your life would be different. 
a.  What are you doing differently?
b.  How do you feel about yourself?
c.  How do others feels about you?  How do they treat you now?
d.  How do you look?  What are you wearing?
Just totally immerse yourself in your vision.  Totally feel it!!

3.  Now write it down, the whole vision.  Don't leave out any details!

4.  Realize that the only thing holding you back from being this super sexy confident diva or having a super sexy confident swagga…is your THOUGHT about who you are and what you're capable of.  You just proved it because as soon as you removed the thoughts about what was holding you back (step 1), you then were able to envision this new you!!  So, begin to hold the vision of who you want to be and work to attain that.  My friend calls it manifesting SEXY!!

Next time you're feeling down or insecure…think…what would the super sexy confident ME do?  How would she be acting right now?  How would she walk?  What would she say?  Then, just do it!  Hold your head high, smile…and exude the CONFIDENCE that is already inside you!! 

Manifest SEXY!!

 

08/20/2008

Do YOU…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
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This month I purposefully set goals for myself that would force me to step outside of my box.  I realized that although I've been doing a lot of inner spiritual work and healing this year…it was time for me to put what I've learned into practice in the "real world."  In stepping outside my box and moving with determination toward my goals…I've had to do and say things that were downright scary for me to do.  I was scared of the unknown, rejection, and failure.  But, the best piece of advice anyone has ever given me is this: 

Do what is good for you, and trust that good things will happen.

You see…I used to be the type of person that would preface doing or saying anything by asking myself…What will they think if I do/say this?  What if I'm wrong?  What if I mess up?  What if they don't wanna have anything to do with me anymore?  This causes inner turmoil, confusion, pent-up anger and frustration.  All of which would paralyze me and keep me stuck…never really moving forward.  I'd always wait for someone else to give me the ok and say that what I wanted to do or say was ok.

But, you know what?  I also like what Dr. Seuss had to say about it.  He said:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

This is so true.  We have to have confidence in ourselves, who we are, and in our abilities.  Those that have problems with that, don't need to be in our lives anyway.  We can lovingly let them go.  Sometimes we won't have others' support until we first support ourselves.  There will be times when we'll have to stand alone in our own truth. 

In stepping outside my box this month…I've realized that I was the one making the box in the first place.  I was the one setting the limits on what I could and could not do.  Therefore…I can remove that box…I can remove the limits I've set and I can reach for whatever it is my heart desires.

And…so can you…:)

PS  I'm still working on that post-series I promised.  Stay tuned!!

 

08/06/2008

The Key to Peace…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Depression, Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control
[3] Comments 

So many times I've found myself in situations where I'm either really, really angry…or really, really depressed.  All I want in those moments is a bit of peace.  But, what I have learned along the way is that the key to peace is not is found in any person, place, or thing.  The key to peace is found in something that I'd thought I was the queen of…but, apparently I am not. 

This wonderful thing that brings instant peace is Effective Communication.  If you can effectively communicate something…it won't stay bottled up inside you.  You'll lose the need for an argument or a sad, pathetic, and dramatic episode. 

To determine if you're an effective communicator, ask yourself these questions:

1.  Do you truly know what it is that you want, or need?

2.  Are you allowing yourself to truly feel your feelings (as opposed to escaping them by doing other things to distract you)?

3.  Are you able to be vulnerable and tell others how you truly feel WITHOUT being mean, confrontational, manipulative, whiny, or embarrassed?

4.  Are you able to be your own cheerleader and encourager, and bring yourself out of a funk WITHOUT outside help?

5.  When you pray to God, do you ask for assistance in reaching your goals (as opposed to helplessly asking God to rescue you)?  

I am going to begin a blog series on Effective Communication being the Key to Peace.  I'll begin my next post expounding on the first question and how it plays an important role in effectively communicating and bringing peace into your life.

Stay tuned!!  :)  

 

08/04/2008

Stand firm…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Empowerment
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When I was first learning to drive…I used to get so nervous when making a left turn.  I’d be afraid of turning too soon, and it didn’t help to feel the pressure of the driver(s) behind me.  The pressure was made even worse when the driver would start to blow their horn, impatiently trying to intimidate me to just get out there.       


But, my mom wisely warned me…never let anyone pressure you to turn before you’re ready.  She said that if you let someone push you to turn before you’re ready…you may make a bad decision and get in an accident.  And, when you do, that person that same person is NOT gonna pull over and help you out.  You’ll be by yourself, waiting for AAA, and then stuck with a huge bill!


I always took heed to my mom’s advice..and still do today.  Yes, I take a long time to turn left, and yes sometimes people get mad…but at the end of the day, my car and I are safe and sound…and that makes me happy…:)


This same advice can be applied in other areas of life…especially in relationships.  Be careful in allowing others to push you to do something before you’re ready.  When your intuition is telling you to wait, moving before the divine time can be disastrous!  And most times, that person is not gonna be there to help you pick up the pieces.


So…don’t be afraid to stand firm in what you know is good for you.  Do what makes you happy and trust that good things will happen.  Others may get upset, but they’ll eventually get over it.  At the end of the day, YOU are the one that has to live with yourself and your decisions.   

 

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