Self-Control

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01/27/2010

Choices

Posted by Tiko under Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
[2] Comments 

It seems whenever we make a declaration, decision, or change of habit…immediately life throws us a test to see if we’re really serious.  Sometimes the test is obvious, other times it’s not.  When it’s not, that’s when we start sentences with the phrase, “well, technically…(insert your slippery excuse here)…”  I, too, started sliding down that slippery road to square one again, when my clever friend said…

“Just make choices that will keep you empowered…

ultimately for your highest good and good of others.”

-C.Y.

I don’t know if that did anything for you…lol.  But, for me it was an easy way to test if my choices are supporting me or pushing me down that slippery slide.  Simply asking myself the question, ‘is this choice empowering me?’, is enough to keep me on sturdy ground.

Are you making empowering choices?  Are you making choices that will propel you, lift you to the next level, and strengthen you?  Something to think about…:)

 

03/22/2009

3 ways to deal with negative thoughts

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Depression, Hopeless, Self-Control, Self-Empowerment, Spirit
1 Comment 

When we find ourselves holding negative thoughts and energy, many times our first reaction is to try and ignore it. We try to send those feelings to the back of our minds and focus on something else. I know for me personally, I do this because I start to worry that if I continue thinking those thoughts…not only will I drive myself crazy, but by the law of attraction I’ll create something I don’t want. The only problem with this is that if you continue to ignore your thoughts, you’re only burying them…they don’t just go away. Consequently, you may find that one day you’ll just blow up at someone for seemingly no reason at all. You can even make yourself sick, literally.

So, how do we give attention to these thoughts without driving ourselves crazy and in turn creating something we don’t want? How do we take note of the thoughts without overwhelming ourselves and becoming depressed and non-productive? I’ve found that three things help me:

1. Acknowledge the thought…accept yourself lovingly, then replace it with a positive intention. For example,

“Even though I feel like I will never find a job (acknowledging the thought),

I love myself (having compassion for yourself, unconditionally loving yourself, placing no judgements)

and I intend to have a peaceful day (positive intention).

I know that my perfect job is waiting for me right now (additional positve affirmation).”

For those of you that are familiar with EFT (emotional freedom techniques), this is a great time to practice this while you acknowledge your thoughts and state your positive intentions. Taking a nice 10 minute break from your day to peacefully acknowledge your thoughts, while taking nice, deep cleansing breaths, can really make a difference in how you feel.

2. Do something creative. When I have a lot of stirred up energy and I don’t know what to do with it…I find that channeling it into something creative really helps. This is the perfect time for me to write. Not only am I letting out my energy, but it’s producing something that’s positive and will bring joy to someone else (if I so choose to share it). What is it that you like to create? Believe it or not, we are ALL creative beings. What you create doesn’t have to be perfect, just something you enjoy. If something in your life is really bothering you…this could be a good time to take an art class, learn how to make pottery, dust off the notebook and get back into poetry, visit your local arts and crafts store for ideas, or simply redecorate a room.

3. Exercise. My exercise of choice is yoga. But, whatever gets your blood pumping and helps you break a good sweat is perfect. When you engage in a physical activity, you’re literally purging yourself of a lot of negative energy. Plus, you’re releasing many feel good endorphins. It’s a great win-win situation.

Having negative thoughts is something that we all deal with. But, from time to time, we have our moments where they become overwhelming and immobilizing. These are three tips that I’ve found to work very well in my life. Give them a try and see how they work for you…:)

 

02/12/2009

You remind me…

Posted by Tiko under Relationships, Self-Control, Self-Esteem
1 Comment 

I wanted to be mad at you, I wanted to cuss you out…I wanted to stop talking to you.  Anything to make you stop with the criticism and the judgments.  It's as if you ALWAYS have something to say.  It's really annoying, like a mosquito that keeps buzzing in my ear.  I try and try to shoo it away…but it keeps coming back…BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZZZZZZ!!!  Then, when I just try to be calm and ignore it, the darned thing has the nerve to BITE me…ughhhh!!  Now I'm all itchy, and my skin is blotchy…gee thanks!  I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.

But, wait….you remind me.  Like Mary J. Blige says, you remind me of a love that I once knew.  Is it me or is this Deja Vu?  Yeah, sure, there have been others who were critical or judgmental.  But, you…remind me of someone a little more familiar…someone closer to home.  Could it be…you remind me of ME?!?  Oh shit…you remind me of how I can be sometimes with others.  Even worse, you remind me of how I am with myself!  The constant criticizing thoughts and judgmental beliefs.  The constant putting myself down.  It seems my mind ALWAYS has something to say!

Well, lookyhere!  The Universe has brought me someone…a physical representation of my inner thoughts.  My, you look beautiful, but darling the annoyance factor is not very becoming!  Hmmm…perhaps if I learn how to be in harmony with you…I'll also learn how to be in harmony with my thoughts.  Aha!  Perhaps I'll slather on and smooth my skin with some yummy smelling Skin-So-Soft…that way we can co-exist without you biting and I don't have to squish you!  :-)

 

12/30/2008

People Pleasers Anonymous

Posted by Tiko under Self-Control, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
[2] Comments 

Hello, my name is Tiko and I'm a people pleaser.  I care about what other people think and feel before I think about my own thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes, most times, I find it hard to say no.  When I do, I'm riddled with a lot of guilt.  When I get angry, I usually hold it in until either I explode or some innocent bystander comes along that I can let it out on.  Sometimes I let it out in more deceptive ways.  Some people would call this being passive aggressive.  I get what I want without the guilt of saying no.  Instead, I get what I want through the drama created through my passive aggressive behavior.  I restrict myself in many ways to fit into the boxes created by other people.  Secretly this makes me angry.  I'm angry because I see other people who refuse to put themselves in boxes, and I see them really enjoying their lives.  I envy the boldness they carry…I envy their authenticity…how rude of them to have the audacity to enjoy their lives.
 
I let go of the anger I feel when I believe I can't be honest and be myself.  I release the belief that I have to consider everyone else before I consider myself.  I let go of the guilt I feel when I say no.  I release the fear I feel when I want to tell someone how I truly feel.  I clear the belief that I have to restrict myself to fit into a box.  I clear the belief that I can't be myself.  I clear the need to have to be accepted.  I release and clear all the ways that I feel I can't be my authentic self.  

Thank you…

 

08/06/2008

The Key to Peace…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Depression, Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control
[3] Comments 

So many times I've found myself in situations where I'm either really, really angry…or really, really depressed.  All I want in those moments is a bit of peace.  But, what I have learned along the way is that the key to peace is not is found in any person, place, or thing.  The key to peace is found in something that I'd thought I was the queen of…but, apparently I am not. 

This wonderful thing that brings instant peace is Effective Communication.  If you can effectively communicate something…it won't stay bottled up inside you.  You'll lose the need for an argument or a sad, pathetic, and dramatic episode. 

To determine if you're an effective communicator, ask yourself these questions:

1.  Do you truly know what it is that you want, or need?

2.  Are you allowing yourself to truly feel your feelings (as opposed to escaping them by doing other things to distract you)?

3.  Are you able to be vulnerable and tell others how you truly feel WITHOUT being mean, confrontational, manipulative, whiny, or embarrassed?

4.  Are you able to be your own cheerleader and encourager, and bring yourself out of a funk WITHOUT outside help?

5.  When you pray to God, do you ask for assistance in reaching your goals (as opposed to helplessly asking God to rescue you)?  

I am going to begin a blog series on Effective Communication being the Key to Peace.  I'll begin my next post expounding on the first question and how it plays an important role in effectively communicating and bringing peace into your life.

Stay tuned!!  :)  

 

03/11/2008

Staying Focused…

Posted by Tiko under Self-Control, Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem
1 Comment 

While on the road of personal development, there will come moments when the going gets rough.  But, don’t worry so much about the future.  Trust that God is leading you in the right direction.  Trust in your intuition and in yourself that you can make good decisions.  God always has our back…and since we are made in His image…meaning we are of the same Spirit…it is foolish to doubt the POWER we hold! 

Stay focused on your goals.  Don’t stop what you’re doing just because everyone else is doing something different.  Everyone has their own journey…so, stay focused on the path ahead of YOU.  Everything may not be as you would like, but remember that EVERYTHING is as it should be. Enjoy today, the present moment.  Make the best of life and HAVE FUN!   

 

01/25/2008

Why do I keep doing this???

Posted by Tiko under Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control, Self-Empowerment
1 Comment 

Ever wonder why you sometimes do things you know you shouldn’t?  Why you’re mean sometimes to others…or even to yourself?  Why you have bad habits you can’t seem to break?  Well…I have an answer for you…but, first…let me tell you about my cat…

If you’ve ever had a cat…then you understand very well that every once in awhile, he will act up and act out.  My first reaction may be to scold him, and punish him…only to find him doing the same thing… AGAIN!!  My next reaction may be to punish him again…but, to no avail…he’s NOT listening.  What gives?

Well…if you seek a cat expert…they’ll probably tell you there’s a reason why they’re acting out.  For example…if I don’t clean his litter…he just might find a more suitable place to use the bathroom.  If I neglect to feed him on time…he just might go into my trash.  If I don’t provide him with toys and attention…he just might start clawing my furniture…:-\

So…what are YOUR reasons for acting out?  What needs of yours are you neglecting?  What is your inner child crying out for?  Stop beating up on yourself and punishing yourself.  Instead, LOVE YOURSELF, take the time to listen…inquire…and then fulfill that need in a positive way…and watch as your bad habits and your lashing out…finally starts coming to an end…

 

01/17/2008

I can’t stop my thoughts…

Posted by Tiko under Anxiety, Depression, Hopeless, Relationships, Self-Control
[4] Comments 

This is something I hear a lot of my friends complain…

"I can’t stop thinking about him/her…why can’t I stop?  I don’t want to, but I do…ugh…"
"I keep thinking horrible thoughts about myself…I’m so depressed…"
"I can’t help but think this isn’t going to work…it’s going to fail…"

One common mistake I witness a lot of people make, including myself, is that we believe there’s this mountaintop of perfection that we haven’t reached yet.  On this mountaintop…we’ll only think positive thoughts.  We’ll never experience a negative emotion again.  We’ll be forever happy…always smiling…not a care in the world. But, this isn’t realistic…this is never attainable…and this belief will only send one sinking ever more into despair.

Here’s the kicker:  YOU CAN’T STOP YOUR THOUGHTS.  That’s right…you can’t.  But, what you CAN do is choose to believe the thought, or not believe the thought.  You can acknowledge a thought, or you can ignore a thought.  Thoughts are messengers.  They’re sent to teach you something…so DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!  :)

If the messenger is coming to you with information…you have a CHOICE…you can accept the information and do something POSITIVE about it.  Or, you can NOT accept the information and tell the messenger a POSITIVE reason why.  Either choice requires action.  And, this action will empower you…you’ll notice some thoughts go away because you’ve corrected the messenger.  Others will prompt further self development. 

With either choice, you’ll be at peace…because no longer do you feel you’re on a never ending climb to the top of the Mountain of Perfection.  You’ll realize that this life is about learning along every step of your journey.  The messengers are coming to teach you.  So, listen to what they have to say and choose accordingly.